Connected Sentiments

So, tonight Dana and I arrived home from the beach. It was a needed time for her, and I was glad to "tag along." We have both had really up and down weeks with our jobs, friends, emotions and thoughts. We are on a high at one moment and then at the next we are back down again.

I always heard growing up that being an adult, two things happen in your life. It is always a roller coaster and everyday goes by faster than the one before. There are always more and more things to do, no matter how much you accomplish the day before. I even heard my older cousin today say, "I think that people are saying that they can multi-task to cover up the fact that all of us are getting adult ADD." That is not to be a joke either. We all fill our lives with soo much stuff and things to do because we are afraid to focus on one thing for too long. I guess we are afraid that we may miss something if we focus on one thing, so we try and focus on everything.

So, thinking about all of this I thought I was right about a good close friend of mine. I have written one of these types of posts before. Talking about someone, someone that a lot of you reading my blog will know, but never mentioning who it is. I think this allows me to really get into what I am thinking about and let that person know that I care for them. I am a man so I have to have ways of covering up my emotions for a certain situation so that I can still be a "strong man."

Anyway, I came home tonight. Got the car unloaded. Went and checked the mail. Then sat down in front of the computer to check on some things; Silver, work, & friends. So I was checking my twitter people that I follow and I came across a statement, "is wondering why?" This statement pushed me to read the attached blog to this statement. After reading this blog I was reminded of an event that tore my heart apart over two years ago. You see two years ago this past Christmas, my sister-in-law was pregnant with her and my brother's first child. She was in her sixth month and she felt like something was not right. She went to the hospital only to find out that the baby, Taylor as they had named him, had no life. She, and all of us proceeded to wait the next four or five days for the doctors to deliver the baby for her. This was not a very good time for our family. Sitting at the hospital waiting for something that was not going to give us joy, not going to bring the family closer together, not going to be what it was supposed to be.

The time came and Taylor was delivered and what I thought was going to be hard, was unimaginably hard. I have tattoos, I have felt a lot of pain, I have been depressed for a bit, I have asked God why, but nothing compared to this instance and the days that followed. A few days after Taylor was "born" we laid him to rest at a private funeral, with a private burial, in a coffin no bigger than the coolers we take to football games in the fall. Up until that moment that they were about to put him in the ground I had held up strong on the outside while ripping apart on the inside. Up until that moment my dad had been the same way. Up until that moment my brother, my dad and I had been an "Enzor" man: strong willed, determined, able to handle any situation that was thrown at us. Then when the funeral director and his assistant pulled the little box out of the hearse and placed it on the ground, I was torn apart. I felt like my heart had been ripped in two. Thanks to the grace of God everything that I stated that we were waiting for did happen. This situation gave us joy in the end, as Dana saw that I was not unemotional (this was a really good thing for me.) Also, the rest of the family found joy in one another. In that joy and determination it brought us all closer together. While it was not what it was supposed to be, it lead way for what is today: My nephew. Because of the research and knowledge gained about my sister-in-law, my nephew Brayden was able to be born healthy over four months ago.

Reaching back to the reason, blog, why I started writing this one tonight. There has already been some great things to come out of this situation. Ethan was able to give back to the research and medical community. Everyday he gets stronger, every one's big strong brick walls between each other get a little weaker cause we know that there are a lot of things that are worth a whole lot more than our own lives. Our friendships and a desire to need one another and become that village based mentality we are striving to become, gets a little more closer at hand. Finally the love that we have not only for our own families, but our friends around us, grows stronger.

I will end with this. I never knew that riding the roller coaster of life you could be on a low and high point at the same time. That the good and the bad could exist at the same time. Finally, that the good will teach you much, but the bad will teach your more.